i am mentally divergent

Dowager Empresses Of All Fatassia

  • 30th October
    2012
  • 30
  • 17th October
    2012
  • 17
  • 13th October
    2012
  • 13
  • 12th October
    2012
  • 12
  • 2nd October
    2012
  • 02
footagenotfound:

David Blaine is going to do some stupid thing where he will put on a chain mail suit (duh) and allow people to electrocute him as much as they want for 72 hours (duh and/or hello), which I suppose is completely in line with the other weird dumb stuff he has done in the past, but I’m already super bored. I wish he’d just go back to doing things like having someone pick a card out of a deck, tear it to shreds, then force feed it to him and have him guess the card right before he shat it out on a NYC sidewalk. Those were some good tricks! Anyway, if this is the direction he’d like to take his career that’s fine and all, but here are a few useful/cool tricks, sorry illusions; I’d like to see David Blaine perform instead:
Get eaten and digested by a great white shark, then cut himself out of the belly of the shark using only his teeth and the queen of spades playing card.
Take a person with super gonorrhea, and cure them by singing George Michael songs to their genitals.
Resurrect Biggie and Tupac.
Make Mitt Romney disappear. If that’s not possible I’d settle for making his pants disappear during the first presidential debate.
Make it so every time Lena Dunham pops her top off on TV there is nothing but a giant censored bar there.
End the NHL lockout.
Reverse-mindfreak Criss Angel.
Just fucking fly already. None of this levitating 2 inches off the ground bullshit.
Explain the physics of Benedict Cumberbatch’s face to me.
Double the balance in my checking account.

footagenotfound:

David Blaine is going to do some stupid thing where he will put on a chain mail suit (duh) and allow people to electrocute him as much as they want for 72 hours (duh and/or hello), which I suppose is completely in line with the other weird dumb stuff he has done in the past, but I’m already super bored. I wish he’d just go back to doing things like having someone pick a card out of a deck, tear it to shreds, then force feed it to him and have him guess the card right before he shat it out on a NYC sidewalk. Those were some good tricks! Anyway, if this is the direction he’d like to take his career that’s fine and all, but here are a few useful/cool tricks, sorry illusions; I’d like to see David Blaine perform instead:

  • Get eaten and digested by a great white shark, then cut himself out of the belly of the shark using only his teeth and the queen of spades playing card.
  • Take a person with super gonorrhea, and cure them by singing George Michael songs to their genitals.
  • Resurrect Biggie and Tupac.
  • Make Mitt Romney disappear. If that’s not possible I’d settle for making his pants disappear during the first presidential debate.
  • Make it so every time Lena Dunham pops her top off on TV there is nothing but a giant censored bar there.
  • End the NHL lockout.
  • Reverse-mindfreak Criss Angel.
  • Just fucking fly already. None of this levitating 2 inches off the ground bullshit.
  • Explain the physics of Benedict Cumberbatch’s face to me.
  • Double the balance in my checking account.
  • 1st October
    2012
  • 01

footagenotfound:

I read an article in the NY Times this weekend about how Turkey is attempting to repatriate cultural artifacts that were stolen from them over the past several centuries. That seems reasonable to me. Stealing is wrong and all that. Even a three-year-old knows that.

Anyway, today my friend Nate sent me this video from a Turkish movie called ‘Kareteci Kız 1973,’ which depicts the most amazing death scene every committed to film. If this is any indicator of the type of art Turkey is trying to repatriate, I think the world owes Turkey more than just it’s art back. I’d say we owe Turkey a truckload of Oscars as well. Good job, Turkey.

  • 26th September
    2012
  • 26

Reasons I Should Quit the Internet

footagenotfound:

  • When I read something funny, instead of enjoying it, I get genuinely angry that I’m not that funny.
  • Each day I discover that people have invented all new ways to be racist.
  • I’m worried I’ll accidentally stumble across a “Men with Kids” fan blog.
  • I’m getting too attached to other people’s cats.
  • I spent 30 minutes reading through Gawker posts of escalating ridiculousness and now I think I forgot how to feed myself.
  • I’ve heard the phrase “legitimate rape.”
  • Gangnam Style parodies.
  • I’m very worried about Amanda Bynes and it is beginning to affect my well being.
  • I haven’t watched “How I Met Your Mother” in 3 years, but I’m really worried the internet is going to spoil the ending for me. *Fingers crossed the kids are adopted and there is no mother!*
  • No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I know I’m eventually going to watch the Octomom porn. It’s just going to happen.
  • 8th September
    2012
  • 08
  • 29th August
    2012
  • 29
  • 20th August
    2012
  • 20