Hey guys, remember the tiny town of Wasilla, Alaska? You know, the town best known for electing Sarah Palin to be in charge of their…I don’t know, road signs? What exactly is it that mayors of small towns do? Well, they’ve once again gone and fired up their collective brain box to do something that I think is hilariously Palinesque. What, you ask, have they directed their righteous indignation at this time? Art and lady parts!! Vaginas specifically. NUH-DOY.
Pictured above is a sculpture by artists Jim Dault and Shala Dobson, which was commissioned by the State of Alaska to be placed in front of Wasilla High School, a school whose mascot is the warrior. Granted, that totally looks like vagina, and I can see why 14-18 year-olds would stand around and snicker about it, because teenagers are immature buttholes, but that isn’t the problem. The problem is that once the parents heard about this, everyone lost their shit. Like full on lost their shit. Because the sculpture, which according to the description actually depicts “Two warrior shields encircled by glowing feathers. The bronze shield has a hand impression showing ‘good deeds.’ The aluminum shield has a flame symbol representing the ‘spark of inspiration.’ The stone form represents the strong material from which a warrior is made,” kind of looks like a birth canal. So now what? Burn the town to the ground? Turn everyone who has seen the sculpture into a pillar of salt? Naw, they just threw a giant tarp over the thing while they carefully consider their next move. A move that the principal of the school, Amy Spargo, doesn’t believe constitutes censorship, although it is EXACTLY what censorship is. I’m guessing Principal Spago got a 350 on the verbal section of the SAT. Anyway, I assume this whole thing will end with the high school removing the piece entirely, but who knows. I would give them the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not sure I can look past that whole Mayor Sarah Palin incident.
In completely unrelated news, the Washington Monument aka “Obviously America’s Giant Dick,” received a grant from the “Tea Party Art Council for Powerful American Phalluses,” to have two giant circular shaped visitor centers added to the base of the monument, and a few veins, to represent the flow of American freedom,” chiseled into the length of the monuments visage. No outrage has been expressed yet, because dicks = good, vaginas = icky. America’d.
